Category Archives: Humor

Tattoos and Suicide (Redeux)

This past week is 10 years since my brother’s suicide. Here’s a blog post I wrote last year about him and his life and death and the effects they had on me and my life.

Tattoos and Suicide.

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My Revenge-on-Monsanto Novel, FREE for a 5-Day Promotion!

My revenge-on-Monsanto-novel Orange Rain‘s Amazon page.

One of the primary reasons that I write is to raise awareness about social justice issues. That is why, starting tonight (July 10) at midnight P.S.T., and lasting through midnight P.S.T. July 15, my novel ORANGE RAIN will be available for **FREE download through Amazon Kindle!!** If you don’t have a Kindle, you can get the free Kindle app and read it on your phone or computer!

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I am offering this free promotion in part to raise awareness about Monsanto and Agent Orange, in commemoration of the three year anniversary of multiple testimonies before the U.S. House of Representatives by members of the Vietnam Association of Victims of Agent Orange/Dioxin (Click on the group name to see a description) on the continuous toxic legacy left by America’s spraying during the war.

A Huey helicopter unleashing the "Orange Rain"

A Huey helicopter unleashing the “Orange Rain”

All I hope for in return is for you to do one or more of three things: 1) DOWNLOAD AND READ THIS BOOK, and increase your knowledge and awareness of the horrific nature of Agent Orange and Monsanto and the necessity of FIGHTING BACK against abusers 2) TELL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT IT / SHARE ON SOCIAL MEDIA 3) If you like the book, POST A REVIEW ON AMAZON, even if it’s just a quick paragraph about what you liked!

Here’s an interview with me on the Vegan Hedonists blog

Here are some things readers have said about Orange Rain:

“I’m always up for a plot in which the little guy fights back against the big guy. And you can’t get bigger than Monsanto. Go, Max!…Rapists getting beaten. Poisoners getting poisoned. Dogs getting liberated. That kind of justice is always so cathartic. I don’t read enough of it.” -J.C.

Orange Rain is fast-paced and excitinga tale of pure beauty.” -M.N.

“You must read this, my peeps. You must relish the dark humor, the excitement, predicaments, the shredding of evil entities, the endings that make the world go ’round. I don’t care how the academics describe this book – I’m doing it my way: you won’t be disappointed. In fact, you’ll be singing from rooftops. Oh, yes you will!” -A.L.

A rollicking adventure in which a search for legs and revenge leads to a cross-country trip jam-packed with thrills, chills, and seat-of-the-pants escapes…Exhilarating, thought-provoking, and relevant, Orange Rain is worth your time!” -J.

“I loved this book! I literally couldn’t put it down. It explores some really serious topics (veterans and PTSD, chemicals and the environment, fat corporate America) in a fairly dark but wildly funny twisted way that engaged me from the first page.” -R.S.

Fun/ny Interview With Me on Vegan Hedonists

RE: my new self-published novel Orange Rain:

http://veganhedonists.com/blogs/interview-vegan-author-jan-smitowicz

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Read about/purchase my novel here:

http://www.amazon.com/Orange-Rain-ebook/dp/B00DEJT83Y/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1373314364&sr=8-1&keywords=smitowicz

Short Excerpt From My Novel

My novel Orange Rain is now available on Amazon Kindle, or with the free Kindle app on your iPhone or Android, for just $5! Here’s the page:

http://www.amazon.com/Orange-Rain-ebook/dp/B00DEJT83Y/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1372109912&sr=8-1&keywords=smitowicz

Check out this short excerpt to whet your appetite. The three main characters–Mai Linh, a Vietnamese former prostitute and Agent Orange victim, Max, a legless Vietnam veteran and also an Agent Orange victim, and Andre, an ebullient young black man, have just stolen 2 ounces of cocaine from a frat house in El Paso, Texas; the coke dealers have just discovered the drugs on Andre and are planning to lynch him in their back yard…

Mai stops in her tracks, frozen by the surreal violence of the scene. She takes in all of it in a few quick sweeps. Three men drag Andre’s limp body toward an oak tree at the edge of the yard. Andre’s nose and mouth and University of Texas sweater are bloodied; he’s dazed. His limbs droop. He’s still stunned from the Taser shock. A fourth young man is hanging a thick length of rope, tied into a noose, from one of the oak’s thicker branches.
All four white men stop, staring at the back porch. Max sits there, pointing his gun at them. “Why don’t you stop for a second,” Max calls, “and think about just what the fuck you’re doing.”
Mai is frightened by the wild-eyed look on Max’s face. She’s seen him angry, many, many times, especially on this trip, but now it far surpasses all else. It is a murderous rage, perhaps mitigated only through bloodshed.
Greg flings away Andre’s arm in disgust. He reaches behind his back and pulls out a .45—a real handgun. “We’re gonna do whatever the fuck we want, you burnout cripple.”
Max laughs, and there is actually humor in it. “You’re 35 feet away, son. Really think you can hit me with that?”
A moment of uncertainty, hesitation. “Better than your little toy.”
“It’s the man holding the weapon that counts. You go down to your little shooting range with your big caliber handgun and act like you’re the shit. Well this ain’t a motherfuckin range. This is live fire, little boy, and I bet what’s left of my limbs that you have exactly dick-all of experience when it comes to live combat. I killed gooks a lot younger than me, when I was a lot younger than you, from a lot farther away than this. Go ahead and touch my friend again–go ahead! I’ll put a fucking bullet between your eyes.”

MY NOVEL PUBLISHED!

Spraying the "Orange Rain"

Spraying the “Orange Rain”

I am so incredibly elated to announce that I have e-published my novel Orange Rain!! Teaser “back cover” info below. It is available for Amazon Kindle, but even if you don’t have one, you can download the free Kindle app for your iPhone or Android and purchase it that way.

This is a highly political novel. Whatever little money I make is by far secondary to my desire to get the book out there, to have it be read, to have the ideas spread. Here’s a description of it:

Max Wright is homicidally enraged with the people who wrecked his life—people he has never met or even seen. The Vietnam War left him poisoned and cancer-ridden from the spraying of Agent Orange, legless, and addicted to heroin, forced to sell drugs to support his habit and suppress his pain. Now he’s kicked heroin, and burns for revenge on the loathsome corporation that manufactured Agent Orange.

With his Vietnamese ex-prostitute girlfriend, Mai Linh, Max hitchhikes across mid-1980s America. Destination: Florida, where a university medical clinic is performing cutting-edge prosthetic leg implants. Only when he is able-bodied, Max reasons, can he attempt an attack on the corporation that ravaged his body, and decimated Mai Linh’s family and life. Hot on Max and Mai’s trail is Victor Lim, the “Oriental Massage Parlor” owner whose money they stole and penis they snapped in half following a rape attempt.

From the illicit pharmaceutical underworld of San Francisco’s Tenderloin district to the cocaine-dusted film set of amputee porn in booming Las Vegas, from the urban-industrial hideout of militant black revolutionaries to a botched backyard lynching by Texas frat boys, Orange Rain hurtles from one stunning scene to the next. It sways between hilarity and horror, and explores the dark places in America where the two intersect. It is an ode to humans’ ability to endure in the face of horrific cruelty and suffering. A celebration of feminine strength and spirit.

Orange Rain is rife with humor darker than the Marlboro Man’s coffee (and his lung cancer). It is like no other book you’ve ever read.

This novel is truly a wild ride–strap yourself in 😉 Please check it out! Please purchase if it sounds interesting! Please share with friends/family/local clergy!

http://www.amazon.com/Orange-Rain-ebook/dp/B00DEJT83Y/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1371280838&sr=8-1-fkmr0&keywords=Orange+Rain+Jan+Smitowicz

What are People Saying About TheRewildWest??

“A tour de force.”  -R.V.

“Your site is a treasure trove!” -N.J.

“You’re an excellent writer.” -C.G.

“You really need to learn how to write.” -??

“You’re fucking crazy.  The Earth is fine.” -??

“…Smitowicz’s sense of reality is less than fully formed.” -Primate and other nonhuman animal vivisector (aka torturer/killer) David Jentsch from UCLA.

“I have it on good authority that you are a lunatic.” -R.P.

“Your photography is borderline-professional!” -C.C.

“AMAZING photography!” -L.M.

“You’re a moron and a piece of shit.” -The Dominant Culture

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